The High-Performance Tablet

Since a while back I signed up for the Disney Movie Rewards program (that's where there are points inside their movies that you can accumulate and spend to get various rewards), I've been regularly receiving their emails. Most of which I don't care about, but occasionally there are offers I find interesting. The other day, an email went around with information on a contest they're running over the summer.

The email detailed the prizes that can be won—Free admission to every Disney movie in 2012, an Epson projector and screen, a High-Performance Tablet, and a million Disney Movie Rewards points. Note the third prize? A "High-Performance Tablet." It's as if they're embarrassed to say what tablet they're giving away, but I'm willing to bet it isn't an iPad.

Could it be a Motorola Xoom perhaps? For which initial reviews said it felt like an incomplete product? Which indeed it was, as it shipped with many headline features that weren't available yet, to be added later via software updates, or by taking it to a store later to physically add the necessary component when they finish making it.

Or perhaps the RIM PlayBook? Which has been the brunt of many jokes? At one point, if you wanted a cell phone that you could check your emails on, you couldn't do any better than one of RIM's Blackberries. And yet, that same company somehow thought it was a great idea to release a tablet that couldn't check email on it's own. You'd need to either link it with a Blackberry, or hope you could check your email using a web site.

Maybe it's the HP TouchPad. Heard of it? I wouldn't be surprised if you haven't. Sales on that were so poor that Best Buy (no idea if this is just US, or includes Canada too) only sold 10% of their stock and is demanding that HP buy back their well over 200,000 units of excess unsold stock. And just today, word got out that HP is going to can their entire tablet and smartphone business. Only weeks after launching, the TouchPad is already obsolete.

Another possibility could be the Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1. Assuming they're allowed to sell it, that is. Legal proceedings are currently underway in various places worldwide to determine that. Apple alleges that the 10.1's physical and user interface design are a direct copy of the iPad and is actively pursuing injunctions against Samsung.

But most likely, the prize is some cheap tablet that I haven't even heard of, by a company I may not have heard of either. And by "high-performance" they mean it's from someone who thinks specs are everything. Throw in some high-powered chips, and hope people think that's what makes a tablet great. Sure, the software may suck big time, but it's faster.

Of course, there's a chance that the prize actually is an iPad, but I doubt it. Aside from the fact that the picture clearly shows a stylus resting on it, which an iPad does not include or need, if the prize was something as wildly popular as the iPad, they most definitely would make it very obvious. I'm 100% certain that telling people they could win an iPad would greatly increase the number of entries in the contest. But, who knows what strange logic goes though the minds of these Big Corporation marketing gurus...

Squeezable Relish

Squeezable ketchup bottles are one of the greatest inventions of all time. Squeezable mustard is also very convenient. Squeezable relish? Who ever thought of that should be shot. Repeatedly. Squeezable bottles are to relish as the old-fashioned glass bottles are to ketchup.

I always have extreme difficulty using my squeezable relish bottles. I squeeze and squeeze and nothing, or very little, comes out. If I squeeze really hard a huge glob might appear on my bun, but it's usually more than I wanted. Recently, I even had the experience where all that would come out is the liquid, leaving the solid portion behind in the bottle.

I don't know why I continue punishing myself by buying them. When this bottle runs out, I'll have to make a point of finding regular green relish in a jar as I do with other relish varieties. Even if it costs more, it's worth it to eliminate the frustration associated with the squeezable bottles.

How NOT to Make a Golf Game

Among other games, publisher Gameloft has a couple great iOS golf games, Let's Golf! and Let's Golf! 2. Currently, both sell for $4.99 each. Imagine my surprise last night when I learned that Let's Golf! 3 was out, and it was free! I assumed it was a limited time deal to gain exposure and did the massive 700+ MB download to try it out. I was wrong.

One of the first things I noticed when checking things out inside the game was that it was "free" because it's one of those "spend your REAL money for things in the game" apps, more commonly known as "Freemium" apps. Not that those are bad things, necessarily. I've been enjoying Tiny Tower, in which you also can spend real money for more "Tiny Bux" that you can use to speed up things like construction and restocking stores. But you can earn Tiny Bux easily enough in-game by simply playing it so you don't feel any pressure to buy them, unless you're the really impatient type.

But that's not the problem with this game.

I wanted to play a few holes to try it out. I did pathetic on the first hole. But, the game would not even let me go on to the next hole. Because I did not get par, I had to redo the hole. This is the first golf game I've ever played that forces you to get par to proceed. After another try I got par and "unlocked" the second hole. Which I promptly failed at.

And if that sounds like a lousy way for someone to cripple a golf game, you're right. But that's not the worst part.

After failing hole 2 a couple more times, I went to once again click the Retry button. Only to be told, "You need 1 energy point. Do you want to buy some now?" and best as I can tell, the only way to get more of these "energy points" is to buy them using real money, or wait. The timer in the corner indicated I would get another one in a few minutes so I switched apps to read some articles instead. After a while I came back, saw I had one Energy Point, and replayed the hole.

This time, I got par so I was allowed to proceed to hole 3. Or so I thought. Trying to advance to the next hole game me that same "You need 1 energy point" message, and I would have to wait almost an hour for one to regenerate. Apparently they automatically regenerate at a rate of one an hour, and it costs one point to play a hole. So, assuming my play skill improves and I can pass each hole on the first try, it will take me another 16 hours to complete this 18-hole course. And it's the same thing in the multiplayer modes too. Want to play a game with a friend? Better be ready to buy energy points if you want to finish your game.

Seriously, what were they thinking? In order for someone to play a few full courses without taking a couple days per course, they would have had to spend more money than it would have cost to just go ahead and buy Let's Golf! 2 which is a full, normal game, and doesn't have any of this junk loaded in it.

It probably goes without saying that this game, if it's even worthy of being called that, has been deleted from my iPad.